TEOTWAWKI hits and it’s every man, woman, and child for him or herself. YOU live in the city (or suburban outpost). It’s HELL – roaming bands of biker thugs emerge from out of nowhere, clean water is difficult to find, screaming people can be heard at night – and day, and there’s no end in sight. You’re hungry. You were smart enough to stock food in advance, but you didn’t stock enough, so you were also one of the first to raid neighboring apartments when the owners didn’t return (and you knew they wouldn’t). You scored more food there. It’s day three of the Apocalypse. You’re hungry, so you sit down in your little hidy hole with canned beans and can opener.
Don’t do it! Don’t open that can of beans! Save it. It’s only day three. Grab the grub that’s going bad first, go – dumpster diving! My favorite dive is the “Armstand Group”. This is when the diver assumes a handstand position at the end of the diving platform and pushes off. Being that it’s a dive NOT used with a springboard, it’s also perfect for dumpsters.
Why not dive? You’re gonna get dirty anyway. Once, when I was a kid, I was on an 4-H “Teen Discovery” trek into the boonies. There was this little bitchy kid on the trip that was “helping” me get the canoe off the shore – only he wasn’t really helping, because helping would’ve meant getting his feet wet. Camp counselor dude comes along, assesses the situation and tells the kid to ”go stand in the water.” The kid responds, “huh?” Counselor dude: “Go stand in the water – now.” Then little bitchy kid figures it out. Once wet, getting wet for the canoe is no longer an issue. He reluctantly got wet . . then helped with the canoe. What does this have to do with dumpster diving? . . . ummmm . . . . oh yeah!
DIVE into the dumpster and, once covered in blech, getting your paws dirty scrounging for grub won’t be an issue. Besides, you’ll be less appealing to thugs if you look and smell all nasty. Deception!